Here’s exactly* what Anthony Albanese will say to the National Press Club today

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Anthony Albanese is giving a speech today at the National Press Club. What will he say? Well, in a tale as old as time, any address by a prime minister will already have been so thoroughly ventilated in the national media that, by the time it’s delivered, it’s functionally pointless.

We know the substance of the policy he’s announcing: from July, eligible apprentices in housing construction or clean energy will receive $10,000, with $2,000 instalments at the 6, 12, 24 and 36-month milestones of their apprenticeship and then another on completion.

But we also know pretty much the exact wording he will use to spruik it. In an act of incredible prescience, let us piece together Albanese’s speech via the arcane art of reading what the government leaks to every major news outlet.

Via Guardian Australia:

Right now, a first-year carpentry apprentice earns about two-thirds of the minimum wage. Some apprentices earn even less. That’s before you buy tools, safety gear, clothing and boots.

Via ABC:

As a number have said, they could earn a lot more stacking shelves in their local supermarket. Too many leave training because they can’t afford to stay. Our government wants to encourage more Australians to get on the tools — and stay in construction.

Via The Australian:

We are going to provide more support for tradies while they’re training. We will be raising the allowance paid to apprentices who are living away from home, the first time this payment has been increased since 2003.

And in occupations essential for residential construction jobs like bricklayers, electricians, plumbers, carpenters and joiners, we will be providing eligible apprentices up to $10,000 through our new key apprentice program. These apprentices will receive five payments of $2,000 each, on top of their wages — the first after six months, the last one paid on completion.

Via Seven:

This means that apprentices in residential construction will now get the same training incentives as those in the energy sector.

Via The Herald Sun:

More new homes, more new energy — and more support for the tradies who will build both.

So, unless Anthony Albanese has a Bulworth-style breakdown mid-speech and starts rapping the awful truth about Australia’s political donation laws — or, God forbid, goes against the unwritten rules of at least a decade and delivers substantial policy announcements not already tested with the media — we suspect there will be no information in today’s speech not already available to anyone with access to basically any news source.

We note that the Nine papers have been much cooler on today’s speech than you might expect. Only the Australian Financial Review refers to Albanese’s policy announcement on the front page, while it gets a brief mention on page six of The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. Meanwhile, Simon Benson at The Australian, perhaps annoyed he now has to share these speech drops with the rest of the media (Peter Dutton would never… ), writes in his analysis that:

Anthony Albanese’s single mission in his first set piece speech of the year will be to define the very purpose of a second-term Labor government. So far it is unclear what this purpose is beyond nebulous motifs and vague objectives.

Albanese must look wistfully at the days when Scott Morrison was in the lodge. In those days a prime minister could rely on media not only to uncritically and prominently run the talking points in an upcoming speech, but go further and consistently give credit for commitments that hadn’t actually been made.

*Pretty much

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